As part of my management training, I took a course named Crucial Conversations. The concept is that there are particular interactions you need to have which contain high emotional impact, and therefore warrant careful planning.

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Workplace examples are where you might have to give tough feedback to an employee, or communicate a difficult decision. Typically what holds you back is the emotional response you expect from the other person, which generates some internal resistance on your part.

It’s not so much what needs to be said, as how to communicate to preserve the relationship. So it’s good to do some thoughtful planning. Here is the process I tend to use:

  1. What exactly needs to be communicated? What’s the key message that needs to be understood by the other person?
  2. What is the response that you fear, and what is most likely? They might be different.
  3. What is the ideal outcome to keep a positive relationship, on both sides?
  4. What would be the right environment for this discussion? More on this in a moment.
  5. What is fairest and most honest for the other person? Avoid gut feelings and debatable assertions.
  6. Do I expect this may become a string of conversations over time?
  7. How do I put myself in the right frame of mind to address this?

But ultimately, you need to gather up your courage and start the conversation. Often, timeliness is important.

As for the environment, I’m convinced that these kinds of conversations are best held when you have the richest possible forms of feedback.

  • Best: Face to face in person in a confidential space
  • OK: Video call
  • When you have to: Phone call
  • Worst: Email or text message

This is a skill that any leader needs to learn, even though it’s often the hardest part of your role. You’re going to make mistakes and others’ responses may surprise you. So it’s very much about thoughtful planning and then thinking on your feet.

Much more useful background and resources here.