Overloaded

I’ve noticed that our culture seems to celebrate being on the very edge of overwhelm.

When someone asks you how things are going, the safe reply is to declare that you’re SOOOO busy, things are just crazy right now. The other person responds with a wise nod, also declaring that they have SOOOO many things going on.

It’s gotten so normal that it’s become the new “How are you?” … “I’m fine” exchange. It doesn’t really mean anything except that you’re acknowledging the other’s existence.

Except that for being overwhelmed, there’s way too much truth embedded in it.

Much of this we’re doing to ourselves. We fill up the calendar, we promise more than we have capacity for, and we accept tasks from bosses and co-workers. We want to please people.

But the truth is that the problem is when we fail to deliver. When we take on a task, that’s the time to figure out if it’s time to say “no.” Not when the deadline is driving us crazy.

I have an interesting exercise that I sometimes do with clients. I ask them to imagine a situation where they’re MUCH less available. Perhaps they’re laid up in hospital for a week, or off on a planned vacation.

Does the world fall apart in this situation? Rarely. Instead, you start saying “no” a bit earlier and clearly. Maybe you look at cross-training others so you’re not quite so indispensable. Perhaps you just realize that some things can be ignored or delayed with no real impact.

What do we take away? That YOU get to choose the point of saying “no.” It’ll come eventually anyway, so maybe you should decide the limit which is acceptable to you.

I had a client once who firmly declared that “it’s unacceptable to say no to my boss’ request.” I had my doubts, but it was his situation. I asked him what happens when he takes a vacation, and he admitted that he hadn’t been able to do that. I asked him if he was truly working 168 hours a week – no sleep – and of course it was the potential for a request at any hour of the day which was stressing him out.

The next step he tried was to simply insert a delay. Instead of immediately answering an email, he simply waited 5 minutes. Then 15. Then an hour. It turns out that the boss did gradually adjust to this, which helped create the possibility of slowing down the onslaught.

What would happen if you simply turn your phone off for awhile, just to slow things down?