We all do dumb things and make mistakes.

But this isn’t about “following the rules” and “doing things right.” That’s an immature way of viewing things, which is fine when you’re eight years old.

Being beyond that, I recognize that I have done things to injure others’ feelings, damage relationships, and push people into cynicism and doubt.

So how do you know when you make a mistake like that? It comes down to having a mature conscience. Perhaps it even comes to you in the voice of your parents.

So you fall into regret and kick your self for a little while, but that doesn’t really fix anything. So the next stage is to turn your attention to reflection:

  • What exactly was the damage done?
  • Is there any way I can patch things up in the short term?
  • How do I rebuild the relationship?
  • What do I learn from this situation?
  • Can I resolve to change my patterns and never make that mistake again?

I’ve had some of these conversations with coaching clients over the years, and I find that it helps for people to talk through their situation. But it should come to some kind of action, not just get stuck in regret. Because that turns into despair and eats you alive.