The word “should” is a great alarm bell for drawing attention to the decision-making process.

I should get this done for my boss. I should take more time with my kids. I should drink 8 cups of water every day.

The problem is that each describes a situation where you’re giving up control over your decisions to an external force, usually a person. The question is: do you want to give up that control? Do you choose to?

In reality, many times you DO choose to align with what others need. You have an important deadline, but you’re also thinking that it would be good and honorable to meet that commitment. Because you love and want to please your spouse, you agree to do things that aren’t that pleasant sometimes.

But there are cases where an external demand is in conflict with your own normal priorities. In this case, you’re perfectly fine to question the tradeoffs. Sometimes your own preferences prevail. Sometimes others do.

And sometimes you might find a happy medium which achieves some, or even most, of both desires.

But it’s quite OK to at least ask the question!