Expect resistance. Resistance is not a sign you’re going wrong. It’s a sign you’re growing. Trees grow strongest where wind blows hardest. The parts of you that resist are the parts most in need of transformation. Love them anyway. Grow anyway.
— Steve Martin, Instructions for Becoming

Steve here is talking about the kind of interior resistance you experience when you’re trying to grow as a person.

Jon Tyson on Unsplash

It’s really hard to tackle these, because it’s easy to avoid growth by saying, “that’s just who I am.” Yes, you may find it difficult to grow a third arm. But that’s not what we’re talking about.

This is about growing into the kind of person that you want to be. That you know would bring fulfillment.

It’s all learnable. Maybe not easy, but you can get closer to your goal.

The trick? Get started. No, really. If you make a 1% improvement every week, that mounts up.

But we love our comfort zones. They’re well-worn and familiar and, well, comfortable.

It’s easier to focus on the resistance you get from other people, because it’s out there and visible and actionable. But internal resistance is harder to identify and you’re never 100% sure about what’s going on.

I’ve learned how to have a coaching conversation with myself.

  1. What would I, as a coach, ask someone else who might be struggling with a similar issue?
  2. What would a wonderful mentor ask ME that might reveal something uncomfortable?
  3. What’s beneath what I’m seeing on the surface?

Notice that this has not reached the step of solving the problem. I tend to jump to that too quickly, and you might too. Instead, this is about understanding and exploring.

When the issue is understood, usually the solution becomes straightforward. And my resistance fades away.