Social danger

I learned some years ago that the brain treats social danger the same as physical danger.

When you’re threatened by the bear, your heart rate and breathing will increase, and your muscles will tense up. Your body is preparing you to escape or fight if need be.

Well, the same thing happens when somebody insults you. Or you’re preparing to hear bad news from your boss. Your body doesn’t know the difference, and it’ll take a little while for the rational part of your brain to calm you down.

Why is this important?

Well, it really helps when you pay attention to what your body is telling you. Perhaps you’re in a group meeting and you notice that your heart is racing. That’s a sign that you feel like you’re endangered, so it’s good to take a moment to figure out why.

• Did someone just denigrate your work?
• Does it feel like the boss is upset?
• Was there a tense moment between a couple of your team members?

So what do you do? First, let your rational brain have a bit more time to think through what’s really going on. It can help you decide what the rational course of action is. Many times the proper direction is simply to calm down because it’s not that serious, or there’s nothing which actually affects you. Many times this will advise you what to do a little later, perhaps to focus on healing relationships.

So pay attention. Your body is giving you useful information.