How often have you received help from a person you respect? I’ll bet it’s happened quite a bit.

So what is it that keeps us from asking for that help? Pride, mostly. A leader is the person who’s supposed to have all the answers.

This is a fallacy, of course. We just don’t want people to find out that we’re also just making it up as we go along. With experience and judgment, of course, but not with certainty.

Start by asking for advice. First, from those you’re close with. A friend, a peer.

When you find out that wasn’t so scary, try asking someone who’s supposed to be the “expert.” That’s scary in a different way, because you feel they’re unapproachable and you may not have a close enough relationship to show weakness.

But how to ask your team? It might be too scary to just throw out “what do YOU think we should do?” – it feels like you’re not the leader anymore, and don’t have skills and confidence to lead in the future.

But there are areas where your people should have more expertise than you do.

  • “What do you think would be a fun thing to do Friday afternoon?”
  • “I’d like your viewpoint: What could make these team meetings more effective?”
  • “Chloe, you might have a great perspective: How do you think we should lay out this brochure?”

Now, Chloe might not want to be singled out that way in a group meeting. So this highlights the difference between individual interactions, small groups, and large groups.

My principle is to put people in a vulnerable spot in 1-1 interactions, like when you’re giving feedback or talking about something sensitive. Groups depend on the level of deep trust which has been established, but almost always you want to have group interactions be positive and uplifting.

I’ve found out that this is culturally dependent, by the way. It’s an American thing to praise people in front of the group, but that doesn’t hold true in all cultures. Sometimes the concept of “saving face” includes not standing out distinct from your peers.

This whole discussion may have highlighted the fact that you’re unclear about exactly what areas of “expertise” each employee has (job related or not). Fair enough, I suppose. But that means you need to get to work having 1-1 listening sessions, and developing the expertise of each person.