I recently experienced the loss of a significant contractor commitment, and I realize now that it’s partially my fault for relying more on my hope than doing good due diligence.

The hard part is coming to internal peace. On the outside I can raise my chin and look forward to fixing the problem, but inside it still hurts a bit.

I’ve experienced this even more in the past when I lost a great employee or had a work relationship go sour. There are ones that I still regret, over twenty years later. And I’m not a particularly emotional guy.

Perhaps it’s some kind of “long grieving”, like the aftereffects of “long COVID.”

I did have a chance to talk through it with my coach last night, which helped considerably. No magic solutions, of course – it was about helping me come to peace with myself.

There’s also a bit of moving on by fixing the problem as best I can. Not entirely fixed, of course, but I can minimize the damage and get the job done. In this case, it also helped to realize that the other person is in a very tough situation, and take the attitude that they also regret what happened. It’s true that they’re suffering far more than I am, so it’s good to be a bit empathetic and forgiving.

I’m also forgiving myself for being human and experiencing a bit of pain and regret.

It’s OK to be human.